The Legend of Zelda: Transport to the Past
by link2832
Summary: Jarsha has just enough money for one trip to the past. but does he want to come back? he goes back and meets Link, and decides to UMM, join him with his quest. rated T for teen humor, eccesive violence and little else
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer: don't own anything to do with it, but wish did, then be fucking rich  
_**

The Legend of Zelda: Transport to the Past

Chapter one

The Machine

"So, this takes me back to whatever date I want?" asked Jarsha.

"Yes, and it is only $18,294,738,912,049" anonymous clerk number 37 replied.

"Ok, I'll have it. I will definitely be able to take weapons there, and come back, right?" Jarsha asked.

"Yes, so far none of them have broken down" anonymous clerk number 49 replied.

"Now, all you have to do is sign this contract." anonymous manager number53 replied.

This contract hereby states that TimeLine Industries is not liable for any illness, bruises, inury, scrape, death, batterment, nosebleed, shock, amputation, disembowlment, sunburn, windburn, decapitation, or strike. I approve of this and hope you have a good day.

SIGN

"Ok" Jarsha said, signing it and climbing into the capsule, sealing his fate.

**I know its short, but I wanted to get it out soon. I really hope its good enough for y'all.**

**ONLY HUMOR **


	2. Chapter 2

sorry for the long wait, I got lazy and was waiting for a game to arrive.

The Legend of Zelda: Transport to the Past

Chapter 2: the arrival

Splash! Link jumped into the pool, planning on heading over to Zora's domain to get the Spiritual Stone.

FLASHTERJOSSTEO!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGG, IT'S THE ALIENS! AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH" yelled Link, diving underwater and heading for Zora's Domain.

"Hmm" Jorshen said, "where did he go?" and followed Link.

We surface and get K.O.ed for a while because Link tried to cut his head off.

"I am a _Hylian_, do you understand me?" Jorshen asked.

"What the hell is a Hylian?" asked Link, looking horrified.

"I give up," Jorshen says, pulling out his lightsaber and cutting Link's head off.

After searching Link's body and coming up with a lot of loot, Jorshen left, Ocarina in hand.

DO DOOOOOOOO DODODODDDDDDDO DODODODODO! goes the sound of Zelda's lullaby, creaking from Jorshen's playing, he jumps through the water fall and talks to the Fat King.

"So, you'll save my daughter, right?" says the Fat King.

"NEVER!" yells Jorshen as he cuts off the King's head and runs through to find a shiny blue and gold stone.

"Oohh, my precious, my precious," Jorshen says, stroking the stone.

"Now I have three preciouses," says Jorshen, once he arrives at the Temple of Time.

"Oohh, an Alter, I think I'll set them down and play them a song.

He pulls out the Ocarina of Time and plays Zelda's Lullaby.

"AAAHHH, THE SKY IS FALLING, AAAHHH" Jorshen yells as the big gate raises itself.

"Oh, look a sword." he says walking up to the Master Sword.

"I think I'll burn it," he says, whips out his lightsaber and cuts the Master Sword to pieces.

"Ickyickytickytickyptzangoooaroid" says the alter, and starts launching TR thermo-nuclear missiles at Jorshen.

"This is gonna get sticky," says Jorshen, backing up.

**Will Jorshen survive? will he take Link's place? ** tune in next time on

Zelda: Transport to the past. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY


	3. my favorites

The Legend of Zelda: Transport to the past

Chapter 3: Nuclear Missiles and Shoguns

**huh, WHAT THE HELL IS A SHOTGUN DOING IN THE MIDEVIL TIMES! not to mention Nuclear missiles.**

CABLOOSHEOCJGLHKLFHUAIOSDHF

Went the Nuclear missile as a laser hit it and buried Jorshen for seven years.

"I'M ALIVE!" Jorshen yelled, running into the market square. Then the Redeads started sucking the life out of him.

"aah i'm dead."said Jorshen, as he died.

fssssssttt BLAM!

"You can't die so easily, destroyer of the TR thermo-Nuclear missile." said Shiek, playing the sun-song.

"Hey, you aren't a guy." Jorshen says, running at Zelda(if you didn't know she was Shiek STOP READING THIS.) in disguise.

"AAAHHH! RAPE! RAPE! sorry FIREFIRE FIRE FIRE!" Shiek yelled, running away.

"I wonder how that forest is." Jorshen says, running off in the direction of the forest.

_when he gets to the forest temple, he finds a note with all the songs that he should know and that he will know. so he stuffs it in his pocket_

"AAAHHH A VOICE FROM ABOVE! AAAHHH WHAT HAVE I DONE!"Jorshen screams, jumping to the ground.

Jorshen then decides to run. He jumps up and runs randomly through a full temple, somehow managing to kill 3 poes and come back for the 4th. Jorshen shoots randomly with the bow and hits the right poe 5 times.

He walds into the Boss chambers and prepares himself. Soon he has unseated GanonGhost(GG). GG throws a yellow ball at him. Jorshen absorbs it into his sword, then shoots GG a couple times, killing him.

He picks up a weird Heart shaped piece of glass and steps into the blue light. Saria appears before him and a yellow medallion hits him on the head. Then he throws the heart at Saria. She throws her medallion at him.

He jumps off the platform and falls back to earth.

"ow"

**will he live? is he dead already? if you can guess I'll... sue you...hehehe**


End file.
